Kurt Cobain's Suicide Note

There's so much to think about from this.
To read the full letter, click here.

One line stood out to me:
"I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away."

A man who admits several times in this letter that he has an amazing life is driven to suicide by this line.
By losing passion.
By losing feeling.

I've heard several Christians talk about walking away from Christ because they "don't feel him anymore" or because it "doesn't seem real". And I've seen Christians never get serious with God because they never find that point where they can actually feel Him for the first time.

I think often we forget the value of feeling our God. Or feeling life in general. Pain. Joy. Sorrow. We forget the value of things actually being real to us.

Sometimes as Christians, we downplay our current feelings. We downplay not feeling God "at the moment" in worship or in prayer by telling people to "praise through" those empty feelings. We have wives who put their goals and dreams aside indefinitely in order to be the good Christian wives they are supposed to be. We rarely call each other on the carpet for our sins, so we never feel condescending and never make other people feel guilty. And there's a hundred other examples, all of which causes us to ignore what we currently feel by putting on a mask of what we should be feeling.

And in a way, I think that disconnects us from reality.
We live as we are expected to live, slowly numbing our own feelings altogether.

And we wonder why we have passionless Christians.

At the end of the day, I'd be pretty apathetic about a God who never felt real either. I wouldn't care what He had to say, and I certainly wouldn't bother following it.
But maybe He doesn't feel real because we don't let Him feel real? Maybe since we are constantly acting inside the masks we create instead of showing our true feelings, God can't address those feelings directly. If we can't stop lying to ourselves about how we feel, how can God help us with those situations?

Maybe we are boxing God up and limiting Him without even knowing it.
Which makes sense.
God would feel less real if I constantly shield myself from feeling him.
From feeling anything.

I can see how a bullet looks pretty good through that haze of numbness.